AN EXPLORATION OF IDENTITY AND SEXUALITY: ‘YOU’RE WELCOME AS YOU ARE’
Our identity is a quintessential part of who we are - it shapes our interests, how we make friends and most importantly how we navigate life. A common experience amongst the LGBTQ+ community is a detachment from a sense of self because, during formative years, those in the community lacked a safe space in which they could learn about themselves, their sexuality and the true nature of their identity; the fact that it is something personal to themselves and not just a clear cut boy/girl distinction. Despite the progress being made for those in the LGBTQ+ community, identifying as anything beyond heterosexual is still considered a crime in 64 countries, with 11 countries still imposing the death penalty for those who identify themselves amongst the LGBTQ+ community according to the BBC and GayTimes. And beyond criminalisation, those who identify outside of the considered ‘norm’ are subject to hate crimes. Statista showed a survey conducted in Europe found that around 7 out of 10 individuals in the community within Eastern Europe and the Balkans do not openly discuss their sexual orientation. Growing up is already a tough feat, but it’s made even harder when the essence of who you are is questioned, judged and criminalized.
At Splendid, we pride ourselves in creating an open and accepting environment for all our colleagues to feel as comfortable as possible while at work. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case outside of work as demonstrated through accounts shared by our colleagues. Dylan shared some insight into growing up under Section 28 - a series of laws in Britain that prohibited the promotion of homosexuality by local authorities as introduced by the Conservative Government at the time. Growing up during a time of censorship was at times lonely, with no one else around him seemingly going through the same process. Feeling unable to lean on teachers or the adults in his life for support, Dylan found himself relying on the internet for a sense of community. Comparatively, Dylan now finds himself surrounded by support and has a strong community in his life, stating that these periods of his life could be considered night and day. What’s truly beautiful about Dylan’s experience is that despite growing up in a conservative, religious household, this journey has been a learning curve for both him and his parents stating that they’ve grown to be some of his ‘biggest champions’.
‘Often you grow up expecting your parents to know all the answers and have all the solutions and be the perfect guardians, but actually it turns out a lot of times they’re figuring stuff out as they go along’
And to highlight this, Dylan shared that his happiest LGBTQ+ memory involved getting a text from his dad arranging a family dinner, with plans to meet at the restaurant. When Dylan had arrived he was ‘floored’ to see his fiancé sitting with his dad who had secretly invited him along to surprise Dylan, giving him that amazing feeling of acceptance.
‘It was the first time I felt seen by him’
Coming into your own identity can be extremely difficult when you’re still figuring things out. And sometimes it can be made harder depending on your culture or religion. Another Splendid employee found themselves with a strong admiration and appreciation for women growing up, but their environment didn’t allow them to view it in any other way besides that - an appreciation. They admitted to battling their own internalised biphobia - directed solely at themselves, and stemming from their religious upbringing.
‘It took a lot of time to unlearn that thinking and to be willing to accept myself the way I would accept and support a best friend’
For them, the biggest thing they learnt from their journey is that you need to give yourself some leniency. At no point in life will you ever have all the answers, even daily you learn new things about yourself and your identity. They found personally that it was easier to not prescribe themself to a label. They felt that labels were too conforming to them, rather than trying to figure out where they fit into society, they found relief in knowing they have a community to rely on for guidance and support regardless of who they date.
‘I live life expressing myself authentically and not trying to make sense of who I find attractive or love but rather just embracing each experience as they come. My experiences taught me so much about myself, what I like and dislike and who I am’
When speaking to the team at Splendid, a core theme throughout, was this idea of acceptance. Although their journeys may not have been the smoothest, everyone in the Splendid LGBTQ+ community expressed growth, both personally and within their support system. And this doesn’t just stop with friends and family. Allyship is important in both education and career settings. So we’re proud at Splendid to offer a welcome and inclusive environment, with those in the community expressing that the support they feel offers a true safe space.
‘What’s great about working at Splendid is that you know no matter where you turn, you will always have someone there you can rely on. There’s no pressure to conform or present yourself a certain way, you’re welcome as you are’
And this is seen across the spectrum of staff both young and old, from interns all the way to our CEO, Alec. When thinking of a ‘great ally’ we tend to think of those who speak up and advocate for those who don’t have a voice, and of course that is something we hold as a priority at Splendid. But something that is equally as important, and yet often overlooked, is the importance of being heard and having people who will listen to you. That’s why at Splendid we’re keen to not only make sure we’re celebrating important events such as Pride but we’re also taking the time to speak to our employees, listen to their qualms and hopefully find a way to ease them.
And for those who are still on the journey of exploration, we want to share some key advice from the community here at Splendid:
Don’t hold yourself to impossible standards or timelines of where you should be in life, but rather take some time to explore and learn about yourself in a way that’s comfortable for you. If you feel like you can, speak about your experiences, it may even help to process them. And no matter where you’re at in your journey, we’re proud of you for making it this far!
By Zaynab Ahmed
Sources:
https://www.gaytimes.co.uk/life/here-are-the-11-countries-where-being-gay-is-punishable-by-death/
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-43822234
https://www.statista.com/topics/8579/lgbtq-worldwide/#topicOverview